It's Been Awhile...

Despite the fact that I have been home on break all week, I haven't written in awhile. So sorry, for all of those who were left hanging with my last post about housing and finances. My mom and I sat down and crunched the numbers on Tuesday night. It turns out that it would only save me $1,000 a year if I lived off campus. So, considering the headache it would be to actually convince the school that I should live off campus, we decided it wasn't worth moving off campus for the next two semesters. I'll be honest, I am a bit disappointed. It was exciting to think that I could be truly "on my own". But, at the same time, it was a pretty definite "no". I remember going into the whole situation just praying that God would give me wisdom and guidance to know what He would have me do for the next semester. Apparently there is something that I am to learn or do on campus. I am at peace about that, God is in control and He has said to stay on campus. So now comes the challenge of roommates and choosing rooms. Fun fun!

So now comes the next prayer request. I can't afford to attend PBU. I knew that before I went there. $30,000 a year is a lot of money; money I don't have. But when I applied last year, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God wanted me to attend PBU to get my masters in Christian Counseling. I was so sure that God would provide the money, whether during my years at school or afterward. But, I'll admit, my faith is wavering. The loans are stacking up; I got myself in some deep water by taking out a loan with a high interest rate, and different people have different opinions. I am trying my best to surround myself with people who will truly help me make wise decisions, but at the same time, I do have to make a lot of final decisions that are difficult. Some people say just to take out as many loans as I need and then gradually pay them off after school. Others say that if I can't afford the school, than I should not attend there. I thought I knew what God wanted, but now I question myself and what I am shooting for. It seems foolish to me, yet I do know that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills and His plans often do look foolish to man. So I would ask, my friends and family, that you would pray for clarity. Pray that God will again show me what I ought to do, and that He will provide the resources to take the next step. I don't need, don't expect, the entire solution to be laid out before me (though that would be wonderful), but I do pray that God will give me what I need and the light to see to take my next step. And I do think He will do that for me. So keep me in your prayers, I want to do what God has called me to do; I just need to know what that is exactly :-)

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. It is a great comfort to me to know that so many people love and support me.

Home Again, Home Again, Jig-gidy Jig

I am home! It is good to be back in Delaware, though I must say, for all of you allergy sufferers, Delaware seems to exacerbate them. I never have a runny nose in PA! But, like I said, it is good to be home.

I have a prayer request. This week while I am home, I am going to be working very hard at compiling information and composing it into an argument as to why I should be allowed to live off campus next semester. You see, at PBU, you cannot live off campus unless you are 22 or are living with a family member. However, living on campus this past year, though has been a great experience, taught me many vital lessons, and has allowed me to build some wonderful friendships, has ultimately been something that I would rather not repeat. So, at the beginning of this semester, I began looking for housing off campus. Now, I am not planning on getting my own apartment, I definitely could not afford that, but there are families in the Langhorne area who, at times, rent out extra rooms or apartments to the PBU students. Just last week, I saw a poster for the most adorable apartment/room that a family is willing to rent for $500 a month, which is a manageable price for my life. I will be contacting the family this week to ask them if they might be willing to consider me as a renter. But, the big portion of the prayer request is that it is very rare for a student to get an exemption to live off campus if they are not 22 or living with family. I have many reasons for needing to live off campus: financial, emotional, spiritual, so this week I will be working towards respectfully, yet directly, laying out my case to present to the school. Only God can change their hearts and their minds and allow me to live off campus. I am in constant prayer about this situation, that God will work His will. And I will be honest with all of you, I don't know if living off campus is exactly what God wants for me. At this point, God has provided the possibility of a place, He has provided the means to be able to afford living off campus, He has given me the desire to live off campus, so now He will just have to provide the approval. And if the approval never comes, then I will take whatever the next step is and rest in the fact that I was not supposed to live off campus this upcoming semester.

But, if it comes to mind, just keep me, my family, and this situation in prayer. I know and trust that God is sovereign, and whatever happens, that is God's will for my life. Haha, though, I'll be honest, I would love to live off campus this year, so it is very tempting for me just to pray for that :-). Thank you so much for the prayers I know will be offered on account of this situation. I am very blessed to be surrounded by friends and family who love and support me. If and when things progress, I will give updates!

Spring Break

It is official...spring break is here! It's amazing how God designed the body to handle stress. I thought I was doing great this week! I haven't been happier than I was this week in a while. Yet, as soon as I finished my last meeting at 4, it was as if my body was like "Ok, I don't actually have to keep trying for anything, so I'm just going to stop!" I got a headache, became extremely exhausted, and just have no desire to do anything, haha. Yes, spring break has come at last, and not a moment to late (or soon as the saying goes).

For those of you who are wondering, all the studying and exam taking went well. My math exam was overly difficult for an intro course, but hey, I hope I can pull a B out of it. I'm just glad to be done for a few days, that's all I have to say at this point. :-).

Well what now? I pray that this week will be an opportunity for me to rest: body, mind, and soul. I am not good at "self-care" as it is called in counseling. That is making the time to take care of myself so that I can be healthy to be able to minister to others. So over break I would love to do some intensive self-care. I'm not sure what that exactly looks like at this point. Maybe sleeping. Maybe some reading. Maybe spending time with my family or friends. Or maybe doing some serious heart searching and goal-orienting. Going into this semester, I had set pretty serious goals and boundaries, and now being half way into the semester, I need to go back and see how closely I have stuck to what I felt God was calling me to. Also, being in my counseling class, our professor asks many questions which I have not made time to actually answer. Questions like "How does your depression affect your relationship with God?" I'm not saying I am depressed, but I think it is healthy to go through and ask and answer these, and many other, questions posed in counseling class. So, I am really hoping that spring break can be a time where I can refocus my relationship with God and re-set my goals for the rest of the semester. And of course, I get to see and spend time with my family. What could be better?!

Alex is leaving :-(

In less than 24 hours my lovely roommate, Alex, is leaving for Africa for a two-week mission trip! I will greatly miss her. A whole week with the room just to myself (the other week I will be on spring break). Sniff, I may get lonely, actually I probably will, but I know that she has been called, and I do wish her the best. It should be lots of fun, and I can't wait to see the wonderful pictures I know she will take.

So on that note, we are going out for coffee/Dunkin Donuts one last time before she leaves!

One midterm down...two to go

Well, this morning I got one of those frustrating things we call midterms done. Well, actually, my professor called it a quiz, but with the amount of information I had to know and the amount of time I put into it, I would most definitely consider it a midterm. So, two  more to go: math and theology, one right after another, on Friday. So the plan for today is: Chill for about an hour, practice voice for about an hour, Joy practice, then WAWA run! I feel like I'm living for the WAWA run at this point, haha.

On a more serious side, today I have been contemplating the depravity of humanity. Everywhere I look, I see the effects of the total depravity of human kind - even in my own life. I am totally depraved!!! I'll be honest, it's not every day that I think and admit that I depraved at heart. Usually I am too prideful to come to that conclusion. Yet, I see in my own life fear of man, pride, hate, laziness, and just a general apathy for everyone else and their problems. Then when I look around I see selfishness, judgment, gossip, hatred, slander, and the list could go on and on. I just talked to a girlfriend who has made a decision which, in the long run, is not healthy for her or the people around her. Yet, she is set in her decision, and nothing and no one will sway her. This is the depravity of the heart, and it saddens me. It saddens me to look around and see my friends and family, acquaintances and strangers, and finally myself acting in ways which hurt myself and others. It is very easy to become overwhelmed almost to despair. BUT, and here's the big but, I am reminded that even though I am completely depraved, it doesn't have to stay that way. I read the verse that is the heading of my blog. I have been saved and placed in God's kingdom. We all know that God cannot be in the presence of sin. So God made it possible for me to be without sin. I don't have to be innately depraved.Because of Christ's work on the cross, my sin nature becomes His and I am given His perfect record. The Bible tells me that, because I am saved by Christ, because He is my Savior and I have trusted Him in faith and repentance, I am no longer depraved. Also, because my innate nature is now perfect, I do not have to live in a depraved way! Yes, I am most definitely tempted to live like I am still a depraved person, but I have to the ability, the power, and the responsibility to live like my new nature - striving for perfection. What hope that truth  brings!

Spring!!! And a revleation...

Well, it is officially midterms week and 1 week before break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So very excited!!! PLUS it is GORGEOUS outside today. Oh my, God is so good.

So, in saying it is midterms week, that means that I have quite a bit of studying to do. I decided that today was to beautiful to be stuck in my room (even though the windows are open) or in the library. So, I packed up my stuff and headed out to the pond. I know a lot of students may make jokes or tease about the pond and its reputation for being the PBU "date spot", buuuttt, I am so thankful that we do have a beautiful pond where I can sit and think, rest, study, or praise God for His attributes. Today as I have been sitting here, many thoughts have passed through my mind. "Why is there a huge swarming cloud of bugs flying behind my head?" "Are they mosquitoes?" "I never knew we had fish in our pond!" "Wow, look at how the sun sparkles on the lake. God, you are the greatest designer in the world! Fashion designers would kill to be able to take the diamond glittering quality on the sun on the water and put it into a dress." "God, you truly are amazing." I sit here and feel the sun on my face, the wind in my hair, and hear the occasional song of a nearby bird.

 Then my mind begins to move from the wonders of God's creation to what is going on in my life. Last night I talked with one of my girlfriends who was, and still is, really struggling with life. Today my roommate struggled with some news she received from her parents. In Bible class this morning we contemplated the characteristics of God and why He says in Exodus 34:7 that He will punish the children and grandchildren for a father's sin. In counseling class, we considered the depravity of man and how that affects counseling. So many thoughts, so much confusion at times, so much pain in my heart and in the lives of the ones that I love. I'll be honest, despite the beauty of the day, despite my amazement of who God is, I question. I wonder why life has to be so difficult at times. I wonder why God is so confusing. Why can't I understand? Why does my heart hurt? But then, I again see the beauty of God's creation. I see ducks and geese. I see trees and grass. I see rocks, leaves, plants. I see people. There is so much complexity in even the smallest leaf or strand of grass. God whispers softly to my heart, "You may not understand, but you do no have to fix everything. I am the God who created all you see. You would never consider sustaining the created world, so why do you try to sustain the individual lives of my people? That's my job, Elizabeth. You can love. You can have compassion, and even bear the burdens of your brothers and sisters, but you are not God. You cannot fix things, you cannot make sure everything works out in such a way that the path of least resistance is followed. You trust me to make sure the tree next to you doesn't fall and kill you. You trust me to keep the ground firm beneath you. Now trust me to control and sustain the people you love."

You see, I have trying to be God in my life and in the lives of others. I want to see others happy. I don't want them to hurt. I don't want them to struggle with sins or make obviously erroneous mistakes.But, in wanting the best for them, I have taken on the role of God in their lives, and that is obvious sin in my life! Who would have thought that the simple desire to help people would turn into idolatry, but it did.

And it took sparkling, diamond, sun beams on the pond to open my eyes.

It's 7:30....

This morning I woke up and wasn't really sure where I was or what day it is. Then I remembered: today is a Joy performance! Here at school I am involved in a 4 girl ensemble. There are 4 singers (girls) and 4 instrumentalists (2 girls, 2 guys). Last semester we spent our time practicing and preparing songs for this semester where we go out and perform in churches. So, this morning we are heading over to Huntington Valley! This is our first 40 minute service, so it should be interesting. We are ready. (I hope haha).

So why am I writing at 7:30 in the morning? Well, remember how I said that when I woke up this morning I couldn't remember where I was? Well in those few seconds when I was not comprehending life, I felt like God said, "Goodmorning." It was as if in my mental fog, God broke through that reminded me that He is here with me. Before the rush of thoughts that consist my day came upon me, God came first and reminded me that He is there, before everything. Before breakfast, before Joy, before homework or friendships, God is. And in that early morning "Goodmorning," I was comforted and convicted. I was comforted because I knew that God was there, and I knew that He would be sovereignly controlling my day. Yet, I was convicted because I quickly realized how my heart was not in tune with God's. Here I am getting ready to go lead people in worship, and I can't even worship God myself.. If God is truly there with me, guiding me, and ultimately ruling me, then I should be ready as soon as my eyes open in the morning to worship, praise, and serve Him.

And to think, that all happened at 7:30 in the morning.

The End of A Long Day

Today has been a very long, emotionally draining day. Tomorrow I have a performance with my small ensemble here at school. As I was getting ready for bed tonight, I realized that my mind and heart are nowhere near being ready to serve, minister, and worship through song and performing tomorrow. So, I got comfy in bed and pulled out my memory verse cards. I wanted to take the time to share some of my favorite verses here.

Psalm 27:13-14; I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.

Romans 8:6b; But the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace

2 Timothy 2:13; If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.

Jeremiah 29:11; 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'

Psalm 61:1-4; Hear my cry, O God; give heed to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Your tent forever; left me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.

Romans 8: 28, 30-33; And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose...and these whom He predestined, He also called; and those whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies.

Psalm 63:3; Because Your lovingkindess is better than life, my lips will praise you.

Lamentations 3:31-33; For people are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to any human being.

Psalm 4:8; In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.

Goodnight everyone. May you each sleep in peace tonight knowing that the God of the Universe, the God over all Creation, loves you.

Field Trip to the Museum

    Alright, so maybe I am naive, but I thought once highschool was over we were done forever with field trips (well at least until we have our own kids). Apparently, I was wrong. This semester, I am in a Bible class called The Pentateuch, and, if you couldn't guess, we are studying the Pentateuch, which is the first five books of the Bible. To complement our studies, the Bible Department set up this opportunity for the entire freshmen class of 200 students to go to the University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology. I'll be honest, at first I was a little overwhelmed about the idea of trying to maneuver getting into Philly with 200 hundred students. But, looking back on the day, it definitely was as bad or stressful as I thought it would be, and I really did enjoy the museum. 
    The museum specialized in very ancient artifacts and history from the world's foundational civilizations.There were artifacts from Iraq, Upper and Lower Egypt, the Asian world powers, and even an exhibit from Canaan.I think my favorite part was seeing the remains of the mummies. I have never before been in a museum which actually owned and displayed human remains. Kind of creepy, but definitely cool!
    I will have to admit, though, that I was really moved, and, in a way, slightly disturbed. For my Pentateuch class, I had to find something, an exhibit, a person, a time period, that really interested me and then write a short paragraph about what I had learned and why I liked it. As I was going through the different rooms in the museum, I came to the section where the exhibits were specifically centered on the religious practices of the Asian cultures. For the first time in my life, and I really mean that, I came face to face with idols and shrines. You know, I grew up hearing about people groups who would worship idols and have shrines in their homes. I mean, hey, anyone who has ever watched "Mulan" knows all about idols and shrines right? I was very wrong. As I walked through three rooms filled with shrines, big shrines, small shrines, shrines to build in homes or shrines to carry in pockets, through rooms of idols, idols of Buddha, idols of dragons, idols of children or monks, my heart began to break. I had never come to face to face with pagan worship, and my eyes were suddenly and bluntly opened.
    In a way, my heart was breaking. I felt pain for all those people, past and present, who are worshiping gods who will never hear or save them. Then I felt fear, as I walked through these rooms and gazed at the images and sculptures, I saw that there was no hope in this religion. Even the faces on the idols are gruesome or have evil, dark eyes. The people who are worshiping these idols and following these religions are trapped in a very dark, very oppressive way of life, and in my heart there was as much fear as there was pain.
    So I left the museum today a changed person. After scratching just the surface of the deception, lies, and evil Satan uses to ensnare the world, I feel that I cannot just sit and do nothing. There are people out there who are whole-heartedly worshiping and following a god who cannot save them, but will ultimately land them in Hell forever. God has greatly blessed me, blessed me beyond measure, by opening my heart, regenerating me, and giving me the ability to believe in Him for salvation. With such a great blessing should come, and does come, a HUGE responsibility to then share that with those who do not know the truth. That truth was really solidified in my mind and heart this afternoon as I walked through the rooms of idols and shrines.

God is good all the time. I thank Him for opening up the opportunity for me to go to the museum and have that experience. My prayer is that I will not soon forget what I have seen.

First Post Ever!

Well, it's official. This is the very first post to my blog! I am excited. So many things happen in a day, so many blessings, challenges, and laughter experiences. I started this blog so that I could share what God is doing in my life. I know many times when I sit down and talk with my friends, I leave encouraged by how I see God working in their lives, and so, I wanted to create a place where others could come and be encouraged by what God is doing. I can't promise that every post will be funny or even happy, but my prayer is that every post is honoring to God. Thank you for reading it, and to God be the Glory!!!!!